“Sometimes I understand how absent I am! And I feel the barrier between myself and the world. In those rare instances, it is clear to me that everything is a dream. But I cannot hold onto this understanding, for it is too abstract. It evades me the moment I try to focus on it, to grasp it.
I’m doing everything to not awaken from the dream which lasts for my entire life. Although most of the time it’s a nightmare, I prefer to remain in that nightmare than to wake up. I perceive the awakening as death, death to that dream/nightmare, which is my life. In those moments a desire for awakening momentarily breaks out. But the moment passes, and is replaced by self-pity.”